(28) Dubois Harley Davidson & Denny's Beer Barrel Pub

Let me start this story with a little precursory information. One day while in Iraq, my platoon sergeant (and good friend) Rich Little was doing his normal morning internet routine of reading the Yahoo homepage from top to bottom. This particular day he notices a headline 'Man eats 15 pound burger'. He is amazed at this and reads the entire story, learning that this feat was achieved at a place called Denny's Beer Barrel Pub in Clearfield Pennsylvania. We are intrigued by this place for some odd reason and decide to check out their website. They have a very impressive and tasty normal menu (or so it seemed in Iraq), but they also have a whole slew of monster burger ranging from 2 pounder challenge to the 125+ pound charity burger. We're stunned by this place, and decide that someday we're going to ride our motorcycles over to this place and take a stab at a monster burger challenge.

Enter August 21st 2009:

Today is my day off so I prepare for the 4 day 3 night motorcycle journey. I pack up my saddlebags, strap on my tailbag, and rig up my camera bag to the bike. Everything is ready to go. Rich's buddy is coming along with his wife, but they have to work which sets our departure time to about 6:30pm. They meet me at the Franklin exit off I65 and we fuel up. We rode through about 20 minutes of rain right before Richmond Indiana. After it got dark out we decided to turn into the Hampton Inn in Dayton Ohio to rejuvenate. We ate at a Texas Steakhouse next door and hit the hay.

Saturday morning we wake up and meet in the lobby for breakfast at 0800. We eat a light breakfast and set out on I80 eastbound for Pennsylvania. Going on some advice from a fellow motorcycle traveler we met at the hotel, we decided to stop in Dubois PA to scope out a Harley-Davidson dealership that was built atop an old city street. It was very cool, but I'll let the pictures do the talking. We then continued on highway 322 to Clearfield PA to finally meet the infamous Denny's Beer Barrel Pub.

We park the bikes outside, snap some pictures on our way in, and get a seat back in the corner on the bottom level. We order some drinks and order our 2 pound cheeseburger challenges. We are then given a briefing on how this 2 pound challenge works. You get 2 pounds of cooked meat on a huge bun with toppings on both sides of the meat including cheese, lettuce, tomato, onion, relish, banana peppers, pickles, ketchup, mustard, and mayo. You are allowed to deduct only one of these toppings from the sandwich. Rich picked tomatoes, Coop picked onions, and I picked banana peppers. We sat at our table and chatted for about 30 minutes until the burgers came. And boy did those burgers make an entrance. They commanded attention from everyone in the room as two waitresses walked around the maze of crowded tables and chairs, with the burgers held up high in the air like parade floats. They were HUGE, comically HUGE. They were twice the size I anticipated them to be, which made it more hilarious than intimidating.

She sat the burgers down in front of us 3 fellas, faces red in laughter and embarassment as the entire room watched us begin our journey to the bottom of the plate. We had 1 full hour to devour these mammoth burgers. Coop only made it about 15 minutes and decided he wasn't going to make himself sick trying to eat the burger, so he waved his napkin in the air as a white flag of surrender. Rich and I, having dreamed of this day since being in Iraq, continued to stuff our faces with cheeseburger. Rich made it down to the meat and about halfway through the meat before he dropped out of the race at the 30 minute mark. I had a plan all my own.

At first I took a look at this burger and realized there was no we to possibly eat it like a burger. It was going to have to be completely unorthodox. I began by picking at the bun a couple times and realized this was not a good approach. I then decided to make a sandwich by folding the top bun in half and putting all the upper toppings in the bun. It turned out more like a topping taco. I mowed it down pretty quickly, even the waitress was amazed when she saw that I had the top part of the burger gone in the first 10 minutes. Next, I made a 'pizza' with my 2lb burger patty, placing cheese and a layer of tomatoes on top. I made it about half way through the burger when I was starting to struggle. The burger, even with the cheese and tomato, was just so dry and rough. It really didn't taste all that great. I decided I'd take a break from the burger and make a taco out of the bottom bun and leftover toppings. I folded it up and took a bite. OH MY DISGUSTING!!! All I had in this thing was a thin layer of lettuce, TONS of RELISH and ONIONS! The bread was half soaked with relish and onion juice. I fought hard to eat about half of this onion & relish burger before I decided to switch back to the hamburger pizza. My throat was burning from the acidity of the relish/onion combo. I miserably munched on the dry hamburger, but it was getting difficult to swallow. I started to put a little beer in my mouth with each bite to help it slide down. This worked wonderfully, and it masked the bad taste! I ate all but about a half pound of the meat before I worked up the guts to go back at the relish & onion sandwich. The beer was a blessing at masking the taste, but I was still getting more and more repulsed by the remaining food on my plate. Finally, with 10 minutes remaining, I came to the realization that I was not going to be able to shove down the last bit of burger. In a bit of shame, and relief, I erected a white flag onto the remaining burger and surrendered. I did not make the challenge.

We had a great time anyhow, and picked up some shirts in the gift shop. Perhaps someday I'll be back to reclaim my dignity and crude manhood.

Until next time...